The Sexual Deviant

So often my dreams consist of sexual escapades, so to speak. Now I don’t often play reference to my waking-life but I can surely say that these dreams are not in lew of actual sexual activity. But why? And often I wonder just how alone I am. They are sometimes famous, sometimes people close to me, or people I don’t know. But one factor remains the same through out, they are filling a void I seem to have only at that very moment and I awake to the reality that these needs were not real, as well as the solutions to them. So why do I still feel so completely empty? I am happy right?

 Well, last night, I had a dream about Nine Inch Nail’s Trent Reznor. Oh I can hear you now, who hasn’t? Your right. It’s like me rattling off another wet dream about Leonardo Dicaprio. But here is the trickery of a weak mind, I was the “whore”, the sexually starved and obsessed. Trent, as imagined in the dream (and not to discount the fact that he may in fact be this way in real life, I just don’t know), was very “loving” and “caring”. All I wanted was sex or some variant there of. The momentary need to feel nothing more than physical pleasure and instant gratification. All of which I could not have because I could not see beyond my lust.

 I woke up starving for something I didn’t even remotely care about when I fell into sleep.

 Well that’s it really, I just needed to scrape it off my skin so it didn’t follow me around like a shadow of shame all day long.

 

~ by ianeksi on March 5, 2008.